Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
