i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
