Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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