I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
