bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
