You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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