Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
operation harelip BJ is a go
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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