I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
