When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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