my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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