did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
