All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
