I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
