Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
