My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
