I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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