I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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