My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize