how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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