Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
