Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I need moral support for this bender
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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