i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
they're like a gay fantastic four
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
