Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
