remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
