I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
