Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
party gras won. party gras always wins.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
