and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
