he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Are we still banned from the library?
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
