I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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