there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
