so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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