dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize