so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Sorry about my life...
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
