sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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