Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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