whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
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