So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
