How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Also, beer. Big fan.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize
