listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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