I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
