were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
