I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize