So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
