you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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