btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
