Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
