There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I have already put on my inside pants.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
