I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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