I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
