that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
