The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
