I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
