Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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