We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
