can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
