Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
