There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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