I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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