i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
