I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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