Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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