i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize