He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
40s are totally the cure
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
