awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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