If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
