And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
I woke up under a house in Key West
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
