hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize