I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
