I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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