is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
