I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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