So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
